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September 12, 2009

Reverse Review: The Final Destination

The Reverse Review is our method of rating a movie not by how good it is but instead by how bad. There are two extremes to the Reverse Scale: 1 = Just plain bad, and 5 = Hilariously bad. If you watch Troll 2 with your friends and laugh about how terrible it is, then you'll understand the Reverse Review.

This should be Josh's triumphant entry into the land of the Mediaphiles. Unfortunately he emailed this to me and then never responded when I told him he had to make the post himself so it could be listed under his name. What can I say? The guys hilarious, but sort of a Houdini. Maybe one day he will do these things regularly, but for now savor this tasty morsel for as long as you can.

More like "The Final MEH-stination".

The latest death-fearing vehicle has people (SPOILER ALERT!) dying in elaborately crafted deaths. The lamest of these deaths involves the water filtration of a pool. Without spoiling what happens in that scene, I'll just say it sucks. Actually, saying it "sucks" pretty much spoiled it.

I imagine most of these death scenes occurring in a Looney Tunes short starring Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner. The only difference is the gore quotient. THE Final Destination (please don't forget the THE. Forgetting the THE overshadows the importance of this treasure of a movie) lays out the guts like some sort of zombie buffet.

It's all in the name of entertainment and fun though. Nobody comes to these movies to watch the hero rise against the odds concocted by the grim reaper. We watch the grim reaper play a human version of mouse trap with the characters. Watch this movie, and you'll see that the grim man himself doesn't forget to add plenty of cheese for his victims, too.

Now in order to better sum up his complete thoughts on this movie, Josh has offered a closing Haiku:

Death is a grim thing
But not with deaths this stupid
Watch it to laugh hard

I'll assume my own rating to Josh's review as he didn't give one. I didn't see the movie, but it sounds like it wasn't quite Hilariously Bad (5), or So Bad it's Funny (4), but still averagely bad enough to be entertaining in it's badness, so I'll give it a...

3 out of 5 on the Reverse Scale.


Dan W Manhattan Ph.D said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dan W Manhattan Ph.D said...

Haha I loved the roadrunner and wile e coyote reference. that is one movie that I wouldn't be caught.......dead....watching.
+Insert movie screen speaker exploding shooting shrapnel all over the audience causing the light fixture to come undone which in turn makes the rafter collapse causing a birds nest to be shaken and then one of the babies speeds towards my face and goes right through my left eye killing me instantly.

Alex R. Cronk-Young said...

Not elaborate enough.

The mother bird flies away from the falling nest, knocking one of her eggs down onto another movie patron. The startled man throws his hands up in the air, spilling his drink all over another speaker, causing it to short out and explode. A piece of speaker shrapnel flies straight into the head of the projectionist, killing him, causing him to fall forward, taking the projector with him, smashing into the ground. The film quickly catches fire, which engulfs the whole projection booth and then the balcony in front of it. As you are scrambling to flee from the chaos, the balcony finally gives way and collapses just as you pass underneath it. You crawl from the burning wreckage, only to find yourself right in front of the only other exit to the theater. Slowly and painfully foot after foot from fleeing audience members crushes in your skull until you finally die.

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